Wow Your Reader With Vivid Dialogue

Wow Your Reader With Vivid Dialogue

by Chloe Mitchell

Looking over my manuscript, I found places that were dull and lifeless, mostly writhing the dialogue. How could I enliven it, make the action within the dialogue do the work it was meant to do? I reasoned this action had to be more than an uneventful motion, not just words filling up space.

Throughout, I found words like -- nodded, shrugged, turned, smiled, sighed, crossed his legs, looked, yawned -- all which have their place, but mostly blandness with action.

With a search through books of well-known authors, I found phrases similar to these. "Impatience shimmered like a heat wave," or "He gave her an insolent wink," all interspersed within dialogue. All of the examples showed movement with emotion or attitude, a look, an expression, or a posture.

Looking through my work once again, I found sentences like, "She picked up her work and filed it." This particular sentence wasn't within dialogue, but we don't see any feelings, only action. Movement here is not combined with attitude, or posture, or expression.

Here's an example of Anna putting her papers away. In this example, Anna is tense, having thought hard work would work off tension.

EXAMPLE 1

When she'd typed the last word, she felt charged. Writing that love scene hadn't burned any of that feeling away, it had only fueled the sexual tension. Finishing her work, she let out a breath that blew her Cleopatra bangs up off her face, then put her work away. It was time to meet Thomas.

Unless we show her emotion as she puts her papers away, we only know that it was done.

EXAMPLE 2

Leaning forward, she grabbed the pages she'd printed and her work notes from the table. Shoving them into the file, she locked it. Little rivulets of perspiration beaded on her face.

The whole time she'd worked, it was she and Alex tumbling on those satin sheets, not the fictional characters of Dana and Bill. Instead of her desire going away with hard work, it had burst forth in full-bloom, teasing and tantalizing like a teenager in the full-throes of passion.

She picked up a pasteboard fan and fanned her hot face, hoping to cool and calm herself before she went on deck. It wouldn't do for Thomas to suspect how strongly his son affected her.

In this second version, she grabbed the papers and shoved them into the file. One can see the emotion in her movement.

AN EXAMPLE IN DIALOGUE: The old woman sat there fiddling with her coffee cut, then look at her daughter across the table. "You won't ever get anywhere with your writing," she said. She splayed her hand to make her point. "You haven't made any money yet. That should tell you something."

What does looking at her daughter portray? We must tell how she looked at her daughter.

BETTER EXAMPLE: "You won't ever get anywhere with your writing," the old woman said to her daughter. She fiddled with her cup, then leaned forward her eyes daring her daughter to deny the truth. "You haven't made any money yet. That should tell you something."

In this example, we see emotion in the old woman's eyes and actions, we can perhaps even imagine her mouth showing her arrogance. We hear that intensity and the irritation.

There are times when we don't need all this emotional involvement. At times we need straight narration, but for vivid dialogue, involvement must come with some type of emotion or expression, whether it's posturing or attitude.

Remember, when your character does move, be sure his action portrays what he's trying to impress upon the receiver of this action.

ONE LAST EXAMPLE: The old man and a young boy walked down the road, the little boy listening to his radio. "Listen, Grandpa," he said, jerking off his earphones. He pressed the headphone to the old man's head.

A smile as wide as the old man's face opened past toothless mouth. "We done it, Boy. We done it." He threw his dusty cap high in the air and clicked sockless shoes together, while dust powered the air.

"What, Grandpa?" The boy stopped and jerked at the old man's britches. "What did we do?" He looked unsure as to whether it was good or bad.

The old man jammed his hands into his pants pockets and yanked up his grimy pants rising up from their usual resting place deep on his hips. He brought out a crumpled ticket.

"Grandpa? What is it?"

"We won the lottery, Boy. We won the whole damn thing."

Dialogue with emotion. Doesn't it grab you, too?

Page uploaded: May 24th, 2003

No portion of these articles or this website may be reproduced without express written permission from the author and DreamAwe'e Enterprises. Free graphics are for non-commercial use only and must contain a link back to this site on the page used. Any questions or comments concerning terms of use should be directed to the Webmaster.