Using The Correct Words

Using The Correct Words

by Lorraine Heath

Keep in mind that sometimes the words may be needed. Don't simply delete them because they are on this list. Rather, take the timer to determine if they should stay within your story to make it clearer or more concise.

DOWN: If the verb implies down, *down* is unnecessary

She sat down in the chair.
She sat in the chair.

UP: If the verb implies up, *up* is unnecessary

He stood up.
He stood.

OUT: If the verb implies out, *out* is unnecessary

The cloth was spread out over the table.
The cloth was spread over the table.

THEN: If an action follows, "then" is implied

He raised an arm and then began to scrub viciously at his skin.
He raised an arm and began to scrub viciously at his skin.

BEGAN/STARTED: He wasn't scrubbing, then he was -- so *began* is not really needed.

He raised an arm and began to scrub viciously at his skin.
He raised an arm and scrubbed viciously at his skin.

FELT/FEEL: Weak words can often be replaced to create a clearer image.

The chill of the night air had little to do with the cold she felt.
The chill of the night air had little to do with the cold swirling through her.

OF THE: Sometimes *of the* is not needed.

Many of the cattle were branded.
Many cattle were branded.

BACK: Often "a given" if the subject of the sentence is doing one thing and then does another. Also note in this example, down was possibly unneeded.

Jessye shook her head slightly as she gazed back down at the child.
Jessye shook her head slightly as she gazed at the child.

BACK/RETURNED: Sometimes *returned* can signal going back to a previous action.

He turned his attention back to the raging storm.
He turned his attention to the raging storm.

HAD BEEN: passive voice-- sometimes changing to active voice makes for a stronger sentence.

Harrison contemplated various methods of torture that had been developed by his ancestors.
Harrison contemplated various methods of torture that his ancestors had developed.

SUDDENLY: Seldom needed. If it's the next action, writing it as such often eliminates the need for the word.

Suddenly the bull lurched forward.
The bull lurched forward.

BE/ING: Sometimes makes for longer, weaker sentences.

I suppose I should be thanking you.
I suppose I should thank you.

COULD: Determine if the sentence conveys the same information without it. If it's not needed, don't use it.

He could see her walking across the fields.
He saw her walking across the fields.

WOULD: Determine which sentence is stronger and if *would* is needed. Sometimes it is.

Occasionally, he would catch her watching him.
Occasionally, he caught her watching him.

THERE: Generally weak and should be removed when possible.

If there are men that close . . .
If men are that close . . .

SEEMED: Use only when you want to create an image of doubt.

Harry's presence seemed to dominate the camp.
Harry's presence dominated the camp.

WAS: Signals the possibility of passive voice -- you need to determine if it is true passive voice and if the sentence is stronger with or without it.

His only fear was . . .
He feared . . .

INSTEAD: Often unnecessary. In the following example, it's given that he didn't land in the chair if he landed on the floor.

He landed on the floor instead of the chair.
He landed on the floor.

TO THE: Often causes wordiness.

The door to the office . . .
The office door . . .

TO BE: Another example of wordiness.

He needs to be scrubbing . . .
He needs to scrub . . .

Words must conjure up an image and relate a story. None of the above "example" sentences are wrong. I think some are stronger, some are more concise. You, as the writer, must determine how to best use words to your advantage. After all, they are the foundation of a writer's craft.

Published with permission of the author Lorraine Heath
(www.paintedrock.com/authors/heath.htm) and The Rock online magazine at www.paintedrock.com.

About the author . . .

Lorraine Heath began writing at the age of seven, when she fell in love with the magic if words. Her novels have received a Romance Writers of America's RITA Award, a Romantic Times Reviewer's Choice Award, as well as other awards and recognition from review publications, writers and readers' groups. She enjoys hearing from readers. Her e-mail is LorraineHe@aol.com.

This page uploaded: July 4th, 2003

No portion of these articles or this website may be reproduced without express written permission from the author and DreamAwee Enterprises. Free graphics are for non-commercial use only and must contain a link back to this site on the page used. Any questions or comments concerning terms of use should be directed to the Webmaster.

Lorraine Heath

"Her powerful moving love stories will touch your heart and soul."
-- Jull Barnett

Love With A Scandalous Lord

Publisher: Avon; (May 27, 2003)

ISBN: 0380817438

Of all the eligible noblemen in London, husband-seeking Lydia had to lose her heart to the scandalous Marquess of Blackhurst.